November 2026:
November often brings a quieter rhythm.
The days are shorter, the evenings draw in earlier, and as the year moves towards its final weeks, many of us begin thinking about everything that still needs to be done. There are family responsibilities, work commitments, plans for Christmas and the everyday demands of life. Meaning somewhere in the middle of it all, it can be easy to lose sight of how we’re actually feeling. Perhaps you are the person everyone relies on…
The one who listens.
The one who sorts things out.
The one who says, “Don’t worry, I’ll manage.”
But what happens when you are the one who needs support?
In October’s blog, we explored how withdrawing from others can sometimes leave us feeling increasingly disconnected. This month, I’d like to look at something closely related: why asking for what we need can feel so difficult, particularly when we’re struggling with depression or binge eating.
When Being the Strong One Becomes Exhausting
Many people become accustomed to putting other people’s needs before their own. Perhaps you have always been the dependable one in your family. Maybe you are the person friends turn to when they’re having a difficult time.
Or perhaps you have learnt over the years that it’s easier to manage things yourself than risk feeling disappointed when you ask someone else for help. There is nothing wrong with being caring or independent. However, when you’re constantly supporting others without feeling supported yourself, it can become emotionally exhausting.
You may begin to notice that you’re feeling:
- Tired, even when you have had some rest.
- Irritable or frustrated with people you care about.
- Lonely, despite being surrounded by others.
- Guilty when you try to prioritise yourself.
- Increasingly low or disconnected from things you once enjoyed.
Sometimes these feelings build gradually.
And because you are still managing your responsibilities, you might not recognise just how much you’re carrying.
Being able to cope does not mean you should have to cope with everything alone.
Why Is It So Difficult to Say What We Need?
One of the things we explore in Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT) is how we communicate within our important relationships. Not simply what we say, but sometimes what we do not say. Perhaps you’ve found yourself thinking:
“They should know I’m struggling.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“There’s no point asking because nothing will change.”
“Other people have enough problems of their own.”
These thoughts can make it difficult to express what we need. We might hope that someone will notice we’re unhappy without us having to explain. Or we may avoid difficult conversations because we are worried about upsetting someone, creating conflict or being rejected. Over time, unspoken needs and expectations can leave us feeling increasingly misunderstood and when we don’t feel heard or supported, our mood can be affected.
IPT helps us explore these patterns within the context of our current relationships, with the aim of understanding what may be contributing to our emotional difficulties.
Depression Can Make Asking for Help Even Harder
When we are experiencing depression, reaching out can feel particularly difficult. You might not have the energy to explain how you are feeling. You may worry that people will not understand. Or perhaps you have started believing that you should be able to manage without help. Sometimes depression affects how we see ourselves and our relationships.
We may become more withdrawn, stop responding to messages or decline invitations because socialising feels exhausting. Unfortunately, this can sometimes leave us feeling even more isolated and a difficult cycle can develop.
We feel low, so we withdraw. We withdraw, so we feel less connected. And feeling disconnected can make our mood worse.
Recognising that cycle is one of the ways we can begin to understand the relationship between mood and our interpersonal experiences.
When Food Becomes the Comfort We Don’t Ask Others For
For some people, difficult emotions don’t always lead to tears or conversations. Sometimes they lead to food. Perhaps you have spent the day looking after everyone else, putting your own feelings aside and trying to keep things running smoothly. By the evening, you are exhausted.
Maybe you are feeling unappreciated, lonely or frustrated, but you haven’t felt able to express those feelings, so food becomes something that offers a little comfort.
For someone experiencing binge eating, this can become part of a distressing pattern. Eating may temporarily provide relief from difficult emotions, followed by guilt, shame or disappointment afterwards. You might promise yourself that tomorrow will be different, only to find the same feelings returning.
It’s important to remember that binge eating is complex. Emotional experiences and relationship difficulties are not the only factors involved. However, for some people, understanding what they were feeling, what was happening in their relationships and what they needed at that moment can be an important part of making sense of their eating.
Instead of immediately asking:
“Why did I eat like that again?”
It may be helpful to become curious about:
“What was happening for me before I turned to food?”
That question creates an opportunity for understanding rather than criticism.
What If You Don’t Know What You Need?
Sometimes the difficulty is not asking for help, it’s knowing what to ask for. If you have spent a long time focusing on everyone else, you may have become disconnected from your own emotional needs. You might know that you are unhappy, but not understand why.
You may feel frustrated in a relationship without being able to explain what is missing. Or perhaps you recognise that you are using food to cope but don’t know what you’re trying to cope with. This is where therapy can offer a different kind of space.
In IPT, we explore what is happening in your life and relationships and how these experiences may be connected to your mood. We can look at patterns of communication, unresolved disagreements, changes in important relationships, experiences of loss or feelings of isolation. The aim is not to tell you what you should need or how you should feel. It is to help you better understand your own experiences and consider what might be helpful moving forward.
Support That Considers the Whole Person
For people struggling with binge eating, understanding emotional and interpersonal experiences may be one part of the picture.
Practical and nutritional support can be important too.
Therefore I’ve developed a collaborative binge eating clinical pathway alongside a dietitian, bringing together Interpersonal Psychotherapy and specialist dietetic support. Rather than focusing only on eating behaviours, our approach considers the psychological, interpersonal, and nutritional aspects that may be relevant to your difficulties.
We recognise that each person’s experiences are different. There are no promises of quick fixes or guaranteed outcomes. Instead, the aim is to offer compassionate, joined-up support that helps you make sense of what’s happening and explore a way forward.
A Gentle Thought for November
As November unfolds and the demands of the coming festive season begin to build, perhaps this is an opportunity to ask yourself something different.
Not:
“What else do I need to get done?”
But:
“What do I need right now?”
Perhaps you need more rest. Maybe you need to feel listened to. Perhaps there’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Or maybe you have realised that you’ve been feeling low, lonely or overwhelmed for longer than you’d like to admit. You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes simply recognising that you have needs of your own is an important first step, and sometimes the next step is allowing yourself to ask for support.
You Don’t Have to Wait Until You Can’t Cope
One of the things that can prevent people from seeking therapy is the belief that they should be able to manage on their own. Perhaps you’ve been thinking about getting support for a while. Maybe you have read a few blogs, looked at therapy websites or wondered whether talking to someone might help.
But then you have told yourself:
“I’ll wait until things settle down.”
“Other people need help more than I do.”
“I should be able to sort this out myself.”
If any of those thoughts sound familiar, you do not have to wait until everything feels unmanageable before exploring your options.
Interpersonal Psychotherapy offers a structured, compassionate space to understand how your mood and current relationships may be affecting one another.
If you are experiencing depression, relationship difficulties or binge eating, you’re welcome to explore my website and find out more about the support I offer.
An initial enquiry does not mean committing to therapy. It is simply an opportunity to begin a conversation about what’s been happening, what you’re hoping for and whether IPT might be an appropriate approach for you.
Because sometimes the person who has always been there for everyone else deserves to feel heard and supported too.
You do not have to struggle alone, together we can find a way forward and you can contact me via the contact page, email janetaylormadeipt@gmail.com or Tel: 01470 570214.