October often brings a noticeable change in pace. The evenings draw in, the days become shorter, and we begin spending more time indoors. There can be something comforting about autumn, quieter evenings, familiar routines and the opportunity to slow down. However slowing down doesn’t always feel peaceful.
For some people, the quieter moments create more space for difficult thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you’ve noticed yourself becoming less sociable, feeling more tired or finding it harder to enjoy things that usually bring you pleasure. Maybe your relationship with food has changed, or you’ve begun turning to eating for comfort more often. Yet sometimes, despite having people around you, you can feel surprisingly alone.
As an Interpersonal Psychotherapist (IPT), I’m interested in the relationship between how we’re feeling and what’s happening in our lives, particularly in our relationships with others. As sometimes, when we’re struggling emotionally, the very things we do to cope can leave us feeling more disconnected.
When Withdrawing Feels Easier Than Connecting
When we’re feeling low, socialising can become exhausting. You might find yourself declining invitations, avoiding phone calls or telling people you’re simply too busy. Perhaps you don’t have the energy to explain how you’re feeling. Maybe you’re worried about bringing other people down. Or perhaps you’ve started believing that nobody would really understand anyway.
In the short term, withdrawing can feel like a relief. You don’t have to pretend you’re feeling better than you are. You don’t have to make conversation. You don’t have to explain yourself. However over time, that distance can sometimes increase feelings of loneliness and isolation. When we’re already experiencing depression, feeling disconnected from others can make things even more difficult.
Sometimes we withdraw because we’re struggling, and then struggle more because we’ve withdrawn.
Recognising this pattern can be an important starting point.
Depression Doesn’t Always Look Like Sadness
One of the things people sometimes find surprising is that depression doesn’t always feel like being sad.
It can feel like:
- Being emotionally flat or disconnected.
- Feeling irritated by things that wouldn’t normally bother you.
- Losing interest in activities you previously enjoyed.
- Finding everyday conversations exhausting.
- Feeling lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people.
- Struggling to find the motivation to do ordinary things.
You may still be going to work, caring for your family and managing your responsibilities. From the outside, everything might appear perfectly normal. However on the inside, you may feel as though you’re simply going through the motions. Thats because you’re managing, you might tell yourself that things can’t really be that bad.
Yet coping with everyday life and feeling emotionally well aren’t always the same thing.
You don’t need to wait until everything becomes unmanageable before considering support.
What Happens When Food Becomes a Source of Comfort?
As autumn settles in, food naturally becomes part of comfort and routine. There’s nothing unusual about enjoying comforting meals or familiar foods during the colder months. However for some people, eating can also become a way of managing difficult emotions. Perhaps you’ve had a stressful day and find yourself eating when you’re not physically hungry. Maybe you’ve felt rejected, lonely or overwhelmed, and food provides a temporary sense of relief.
Or perhaps an argument with someone important has left you feeling upset, and eating becomes a way of escaping those feelings for a little while. For someone experiencing binge eating, this can develop into a distressing cycle. You may experience a sense of losing control while eating, followed by guilt, shame or disappointment afterwards. Those feelings can then make it harder to reach out to other people, leaving you feeling even more isolated. Then when another difficult emotion arrives, food may once again feel like the easiest way to cope.
It’s not always just about the food. Sometimes it’s also about what food is helping us manage.
Of course, binge eating is complex. Emotional experiences are only one part of the picture, and not everyone who experiences binge eating will recognise these patterns. However, understanding the relationship between eating, emotions and everyday life can be an important part of finding appropriate support.
What Do Our Relationships Have to Do With How We Feel?
One of the central principles of Interpersonal Psychotherapy is that our mood and our relationships influence one another. Think about how you feel after a difficult conversation with someone you care about. Or how your mood changes when you feel listened to, understood or supported. Perhaps you’ve experienced a friendship gradually drifting apart.
Maybe there’s ongoing tension within your family.
You could be adjusting to a new role, grieving someone you’ve lost or feeling increasingly disconnected from people who once felt close. These experiences can affect our emotional wellbeing in ways we don’t always recognise.
In IPT, we explore what has been happening in your relationships and how these experiences may be connected to changes in your mood.
We might look at unresolved disagreements, important life changes, experiences of loss or difficulties feeling connected to others. The aim isn’t to blame anyone for how you’re feeling. It’s to understand the patterns that may be contributing to your difficulties and consider what changes might be helpful.
You Don’t Have to Change Everything at Once
When we’re struggling, it’s easy to feel that we need to make big changes.
Be more sociable.
Eat differently.
Exercise more.
Think positively.
Get organised.
However, when you’re already feeling emotionally exhausted, a long list of things you ought be doing can simply become another source of pressure. Sometimes meaningful change begins with something much smaller.
Recognising that you’ve been withdrawing.
Noticing how you feel after particular conversations.
Becoming curious about what was happening emotionally before a binge.
Or acknowledging that a relationship has been affecting you more than you’ve allowed yourself to admit.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
And you certainly don’t need to change everything overnight.
Bringing Together Support for Mood and Binge Eating
For people experiencing binge eating, it can be difficult to know where to begin.
Should you focus on food?
Your emotions?
Your relationships?
Your mood?
In reality, these areas can sometimes influence one another. This is why I’ve developed a collaborative binge eating clinical pathway alongside a dietitian, bringing together Interpersonal Psychotherapy and specialist nutritional support. My role is to explore the psychological and interpersonal aspects that may be relevant to your difficulties, while dietetic support addresses the nutritional and practical aspects of eating.
Rather than focusing on food alone, our approach considers the wider experiences of the person seeking help. There are no promises of quick fixes or guaranteed outcomes. Instead, the aim is to offer compassionate, joined-up support that helps you better understand what’s happening and work towards meaningful change.
A Gentle Thought for October
As the evenings grow darker and the pace of life begins to slow, perhaps October offers an opportunity to check in with yourself. Not with another list of things you should be doing but with a little curiosity.
Have I been withdrawing from people lately?
Are there relationships in my life that are affecting how I feel?
Have I noticed changes in my mood or eating?
What might I need that I’ve been finding difficult to ask for?
You don’t have to answer all these questions immediately.
Sometimes simply noticing that something has changed is enough to begin a different conversation with yourself.
And sometimes, that conversation leads to recognising that you might benefit from talking to someone else.
When You’re Ready to Talk
If you’ve been experiencing low mood, relationship difficulties or binge eating, you may have spent a long time trying to understand things on your own. Perhaps you’ve read about therapy before but weren’t quite sure whether it was for you. Or maybe you’ve been waiting until you feel ready, until life settles down or until you can explain exactly what’s wrong. You don’t need to have everything worked out before making contact.
Interpersonal Psychotherapy offers a structured, compassionate space to explore the relationship between your mood and your current life experiences.
An initial conversation can help us understand what you’re hoping for and whether the support I offer might be appropriate for you. As sometimes the first step towards feeling more connected isn’t about doing more.
It’s about allowing yourself to be heard.
If something in this month’s blog feels familiar, you’re welcome to explore my website or send me an enquiry. We can begin with a conversation janetaylormadeipt@gmail.com or 01470 517214